Rosy Is My Relative
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What does a young man bequeathed £500 and an elephant with a taste for liquor do? Adrian Whistle thinks he has the answer - he'll give her to the circus. But it isn't so easy.
Together Adrian and Rosy cut a swathe of terror and destruction through the peaceful countryside of southern England. Drunk or sober, Rosy spreads chaos in her wake, till her hapless victims claim the full majesty of the law against her . . .
'His uproarious first novel.' Daily Mirror
'Comic havoc!' New York Times
'Enchanting . . . beautifully told.' Scotsman
For NOEL COWARD who has a passion for pachyderms Contents Author’s Note 1. The Abominable Action of an Uncle 2. The Interminable Wait 3. The Shocking Arrival 4. The Open Road 5. The Monkspepper Holocaust 6. The Aristocratic Entanglement 7. Peacocks and Peaches 8. The Party 9. The Flight 10. The ‘Unicorn and Harp’ 11. Hue and Cry 12. The Departure 13. The Sea Voyage 14. Landfall 15. The Rehearsal 16. First Night 17. The Approach of the Law 18. The Law 19. The Law Working
how we can help you.’ The Sergeant unbuttoned his uniform pocket and extracted a large and somewhat battered notebook, and then a pencil. He licked the end of the pencil and then licked his thumb and flipped over the leaves of his notebook, refreshing his memory, his lips moving as he read to himself. ‘Well, it’s like this, miss,’ he said at last. ‘We’ve been told to keep a sharp lookout for a criminal and it seemed to me that you might be able to help us with our investigations.’ ‘I doubt
‘That,’ he continued, ‘might be described as the crux of the whole case. However, there are certain things that you have to consider before you say definitely one way or the other that he is guilty or not guilty. We have heard a lot of evidence.’ He shuffled his notes in a rather hopeless way. ‘A lot of evidence,’ he repeated, ‘some of it for, and some of it against. Now it is not my job to tell you what to think, only to guide you along the right lines. You are perfectly free to think that the
and therefore, presumably, in control of it, allowed it to do considerable damage both to human beings and to property. ‘But your astuteness will make you perceive that this evidence can be counteracted by other evidence which proves conclusively that the animal in question was not evilly disposed and that the defendant was forced into these invidious situations.’ The judge paused and cast a sharp look at the foreman of the jury. ‘You are following my line of reasoning?’ he inquired. The jury
Samantha. ‘Do you mean to say,’ said Adrian, ‘that I . . . that you . . .’ ‘You know,’ said Samantha, looking up at him, ‘if you go on stammering like that, we are never even going to get to the honeymoon.’ Adrian pulled her into his arms and kissed her warm mouth. Then he kissed the tears (which were surely the largest and finest tears that any woman had ever shed) from her cheeks, and then he kissed her mouth again because he couldn’t really believe that it had felt and tasted like rose